In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
