So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
