My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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