And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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