And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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