She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
