Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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