He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
