Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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