oh god the rape fog is back!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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