All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
