i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
