Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
