please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
