i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
