sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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