when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
