He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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