I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
