his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
