he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
