So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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