Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
