I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
