I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
