it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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