I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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