i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
