Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
