The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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