oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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