So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
