this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
