North Korea, Best Korea!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
