I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
