Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
