Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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