You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
