you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
