That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
