google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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