It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
