My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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