So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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