the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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