Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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