That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
