whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
