My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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