Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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