My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
