Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
