i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
