You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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