just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize