my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The power of my boobs compel you
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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