I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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