Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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