I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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