I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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