So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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