he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
is it fun? or sober?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
