We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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